Do As I Say, Not As I Do

It's been said by most of my friends on more than one occasion that they've never met anyone quite like me. In general, I take this as a compliment. I like being an original. I know I say and do things that most people never would, for reasons all their own, whether it be because of their morals, religious views, societal pressure, etc. Because I have/feel none of those previous three things listed, perhaps it is easier for me to act the way I do, and say the things I say.

Recently I was mildly offended when a friend said he was not going to take relationship advice from me. Okay, not necessarily offended, more like curious as to why not. But still, a little offended. Believe it or not, I am great with the listening, and pretty darn good with the advice too when people come to me for it. Granted, sometimes I offer advice even unsolicited, but everyone does, that's not a big shock.

I was curious as to why my advice would be considered any worse than any other advice someone else could offer about relationships. Is it because of my current situation? I'm single, but there have been random nights in the last few weeks where I have not slept alone. It is not a regular occurrence, but because it did happen a couple times, does that make my advice worse, just because I was doing something I enjoyed? I don't believe it does. It's not as though I was meeting random guys at bars and going home with them, that is gross and not something I ever want to do, ever. This particular situation worked for me, but I definitely don't recommend it for most people. In fact, given the fact that most of my friends are better people than I am, I would never suggest doing as I have done. If you have a whole lot of apathy and very little in the way of morals, then by all means, go for it. However, most of my friends do not operate the way I do, thus this would not be ideal in helping them. But do you see me crying any more and being depressed all the time? No. If you want me to go back to being that Sarah again, the one who was so miserable she stopped eating and lost weight and was tired and sick all the time, then just let me know - except guess what, it's not going to happen, so being judgmental about something that worked for me is just plain ridiculous. I know a lot of my friends didn't necessarily like or agree with it, but my friends also do things I do not like or agree with and I love them dearly anyway.

Perhaps the fact that I have only had two serious relationships in my life is the culprit for this declining of any advice I have to offer. Again, it doesn't seem legit to me, but whatev. My friends tend to judge the guys I date pretty harshly sometimes, which has never been fair and is entirely hypocritical, but that's how they are and I accept them for that, which is another post entirely in itself, ha ha. I'm never going to say what I say goes or that my advice is the live all, end all, best advice you're ever going to receive. Instead it is just one more perspective to consider. First, let's look at Adam and I. After we broke up, we managed to not see or talk each other for about a month and a half before we did the back together/split apart thing a few times. This lasted for a year until I just did not have the emotional strength to do so anymore. As much as I had loved him the first time around, there was no point, and we both knew that by the end, 'friends with benefits' was all it was ever going to be. It was worse the last time around then it had been following the original split. However, had I stayed away from him a lot longer, I would have given myself enough time to heal and get over him, without falling back into the same trap over and over. After our last split, we didn't speak for a few months, and it was the best thing that could have happened to us. I was over it and could see him without ever thinking anything except, "What a goof, I can't believe I dated this goofball." Now he's one of my closest friends. We wouldn't be at this point if we wouldn't have let go for those couple months. Now secondly, let's look at Drake and I. Still love him more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. It's been two and a half months since we split, you can't expect me to be perfectly fine already, but I am doing really well. A small part of this is due to the aforementioned situation, but not all of it. In fact, not most of it. A lot of it is me distancing myself from Drake, and resisting the urge every single day to call him. Gradually, that urge went away. Seeing him when he came back a few weeks ago probably wasn't the best for me, especially with everything else I found out happened that weekend from Brett, but every day since then has been better than the day before. Talking to him and seeing him would just make me want to be with him again, and I know that is not what is best for me. The best for me is yet to come and eventually I will have it. I just have to be patient, something we all know I am not famous for.

So there, two relationships, two different ways gone about getting over said relationships. One way obviously worked better than the other. The feelings associated with Drake are not all gone of course, but in time they will be less, and I am by no means hanging on to whatever slim hope we might get back together. We had what we had and as much as it killed me to hear it, sometimes love isn't enough. There's only so much you can love someone before you can't love any more because you've given them everything you have already. That's something I understand now, that was pointed out to me a couple weeks ago, and he was right; there's nothing left to give anymore.

I understand this, I am older and wiser for it. So, am I completely unqualified to give advice? All relationships are essentially the same: you're together, it's great, you fight, you make up, you fight, you make up, you either last, or you don't. That's pretty much it, with a much-abbreviated fight/make-up section for some couples, but you get the idea.

Essentially what I am saying is, do as I say, not as I do. I'm a much better listener than I am given credit for, and I am a little more worldy and wiser also than I am given credit for. This ditzy act I put on sometimes is just that, an act. I know I sound very Jessica Simpson-ish when I say that, but most of you know this is true.

Anyway, that's all about that. Let's move on, ha ha.

I spent a fourth consecutive day at the pool with Teetz and Brian. And wouldn't you know, tomorrow is the hottest day of the week, with the Heat Index as high as 112, and that jerkface is going to be on his way to Ireland. I'll probably hang out at the pool anyway, even without him, because I can. My skin is sloooowly bronzing, but my hair is rapidly getting lighter and lighter, all thanks to the glorious sun. No crappy man-made hair products for this girl, the Sun is my hair guy; it's to not have to pay to have your hair change to red and blond, those wonderful rays of sunlight do it all for me. I love summertime, when I can be tan and blond and pretty. Yay for the the Sun.

Speaking of Teetz, I am trying to not post much of anything about him right now, because it will make me start reminiscing, and then I will start crying, because he is leaving in September for grad school. I already cried once about it, and then last night I almost did again when we were hanging out, so I'm not ready to cry about it yet, because we all know once I start crying about something, it takes a while for me to stop, ha ha. But seriously, prepare for some waterworks in September. It'll be bad. Stock up on chocolate and you should probably buy some stock in Kleenex - I don't like off-brand tissues.

Work still sucks, but it's a paycheck. I'm looking for something else, anything else at this point, but who knows what will happen. I know that school will be starting in a little over a month so I will be back to subbing shortly. Until then, I will hang on to my sanity as long as possible at fucking Office Depot.

I heard the new Paris Hilton single, "Stars Are Blind". Then I heard the Taylor Hicks single "Do I Make You Proud." I wanted to kill myself, and I am pretty sure my ears bled a little. Or a lot. Taylor Hicks is the lamest American Idol ever. Good luck marketing that piece of shit album that you know it is going to be. And what can I say about Paris? Wow. Just when I thought I couldn't laugh at someone much more than I already had, she starts singing. Wow. There are no more words. Maybe all the shipments of her album will mysteriously get lost and we will be saved. But don't count on it.

Lyrics of the Moment: "I Walk the Line" - Johnny Cash
(But the Chris Daughtry cover of the version by Live is simply ORGASMIC. This is no reference to anyone obviously so don't go freaking out on me people, since I have no one to 'walk the line' for. This is simply, how it should be, when you find The One you would do anything for. But I will be damned if this is not one of my favorite songs of all time. Johnny Cash is The Man, and Chris Daughtry is HOTT. And talented. Yum. I really don't give a shit either way about Live.)

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line